Christmas

My alarm went off this morning at 4:40 a.m. and I snapped it off, more by reflex than anything else. Then I lay in bed, wondering why it had gone off. I'd completely forgotten I had to work today - and the best part is, I didn't drink yesterday aside from a couple glasses of wine and let's fac it... that's nothing. I was just dog-tired and apparently, sleeping well so it took a bit for my brain to come around. When I finally realized I had to get up and that the alarm was legit, I got out of bed to start the day.

Two days off preceeded this, though. I had Christmas Eve day and Christmas off this year. I'm not sure when I got to spend the last Christmas holiday at home with my family. Maybe two years ago? Three? I really can't remember.

It was a good day, though. Trish and I actually made it through the day without fighting for more than about 25 seconds. Merry Christmas.

The kids had a blast and I think they were all happy with the gifts they got. Jackie asked me if I really believed in Santa Claus somewhere late into the night, which was odd but inevitable, of course. I can't tell if Nick still believes, although I suspect he does and Grace - little Grace - she's still ensconced within the Santa trance, lock stock and barrel.

Christmas part 2 is coming for them on Sunday when we wake up in New Jersey. My mother has already informed them that Santa dropped a few things off at her house. Way to go, Ma.

Trish loved the diamond earrings I got for her and the photo albums were a staple-hit. Trish's gifts for me actually brought me some happiness this year - not that I'm a fuss-budget, but I just don't get much "joy" overall from getting gifts. I have a much better time watching people open theirs and like a parasite, absorb my joy from basking in theirs. That sounds gay but whatever. It's just the way it is for me, usually.

Trish got me some good shit, though this year. A 1-hour massage at a massage place. This'll be my first ever massage and I'm looking forward to it. I got a Tom Tom GPS, which is kick ass. And she's gonna get me a digital camera after January 1, so Erich can use his discount. That's bad ass, the whole package.

We were up about 7 a.m., let the kids open their stockings in our bed 'til around 7:15 and then went downstairs for the main haul. The kids enjoyed each present they opened and all told, we were finished somewhere around 8:30. That's a lot of presents. And I really don't think any of them were ranked as a dud. Even the clothes they got were appreciated. I went back upstairs at 8:30 for a nap (cuz I still felt a little hung over) and slept 'til near 11:30. At that point I was wide awake and ready for the day. Amazing what a little Gatorade, a vitamin and a couple extra hours of sleep can accomplish.

We left for the Wiggins' house around 12:30 and really had a deent day there. Everyone got along rather well, all told but as luck and life would have it, quite a few people were [acked into their home and much alcohol flowed throughout the day and sure enough - some sparks flew by the end of our night out.

I had a good time chatting it up with George, Erich's brother-in-law - actually, I guess I'm Erich's brother-in-law also being that he's married to Trish's sister - and I even had a good time chatting with Pat, Erich's mother. I think George is a seriously good guy and I appreciated listening to him yesterday. I actually had fun debating the No Child Left Behind program with Pat, although "debate" is a loosely used word in this context. Pat has a set belief when it comes to her mindset on the issue and there's no swaying her from that belief. In a way, she's a lot like my grandmother from my mother's side. She was the same way - set in her way when it came to expressing an opinion and fuck all who try to poke at it from a diffeent angle. It was hard to get my side of the discussion in but I did. And in the end, we had a good dinner-time chat. All the while, Tara kept piping in with her comments, "Can we talk about something else?" - even though she wasn't part of the discussion; "I think we might have to separate these two." - another asinine pipe-in from the land of non-sequitir; "I'm not being a snob but can you talk about something else? I don't know anything about what you're talking about." - fine, then shut then fuck up cuz you weren't part of the discussion anyway.

Yeah. The reality of that situation is - she could feel the peck of heated tension involved in our discussion, a good heated tension - and she felt it was her duty to insert herself to try and take control of her own perceived situation. She got under my skin yesterday.

The star of the program was DiDi, though. She took the cake. All told, she seemed to have a decent night right up to the time where her daughter needed to go home. It was late somewhere around 9 p.m. And yes, I know, 9's not late but for her daughter who is 4, that's late. Same as it was for my kids and if it wasn't Trish's family, we would have left already. Anyway, Elizabeth was heading home and Pat was chosen to drive because everyone else had been enjoying the bottles of wine. George got in with Elizabeth and I went out to move my car since Bob was getting ready to leave with his kids also. DiDi made it almost to their car when she stopped and saw that her daughter was no longer crying - she'd pitched a fit about leaving because she and Grace were having such a good time together - when she turned to me and asked me if I thought she needed to get in the car and go home. I told her it wasn't my say and she looked at her car again, saw them (George and Elizabeth) having fun in the backseat and decided she was going to stay. That was that. Pat pulled out, followed by me and then Bob pulled his car into the street. And that's when things started to get interesting.

DiDi kept drinking and after a while, it became pretty obvious she had a way of setting her sights dead ahead with the blinders on, just like her mother. DiDi, however, made it personal. And the biggest piece of that had to do with Tim and Meredith's dog, Keating.

The family played charades, something Trish's family is wont to do when there's a big get together. It's kinda fun but I usually don't play. It's probably a vanity thing but I just feel awkward getting up in front of people and acting shit out. Reality dictates that no one could give two shits what I do in front of everyone but well, yeah. It's a vanity thing. I need to get over myself. Anyway, back to the showdown.

Tim brought his dog to the house, a big 7 year old Akido named Keating. Keating had a pronged collar around his neck, one of those restraining collars used for walking the dog and the sight of it caused DiDi to launch into an "I'm an animal lover and this is abuse. Do you watch Cesar Milan?" fixation. Apparently, she pissed Meredith off, which I didn't see but I was in the kitchen when she brought her do-good agenda in with Tim and the dog.

Now, Tim, in my opinion, is one of those easy going guys who always has a joke at the ready and is much more comfortable making light of any situation at hand rather than engaging head-to-head. Nothing wrong with that, just an observation. DiDi, however was relentless, tossing that accusation of abuse at him in regard to the collar around the dog's neck. Tim finallt told her he was really starting to feel offnded by what she was saying because he and his wife both love the dog and have been good masters to him for the past 7 years. Finally, Erich jumped in to tell his sister she was way out of line. It didn't change her opinion or her direction, of course (Pat) but she did manage to back away from directly attacking Tim somewhat. Her final statement after everyone walked out of the kitchen was - "Now, I guess they're mad at me for my little comments about abuse, huh?"

I told her everyone had different opinions about what constitutes abuse and that her dog, which is overweight, might constitute abuse by some people. She agreed. And I told her the bottom line is whether or not a dog is skittish around others, shies away from people or shows obvious signs of neglect or being beaten - none of which Keating has. And that it's not cool to just outright bash someone just because they're not raising a dog the way YOU want to.

And then I went and got some Trifle because in the end, that shit's good. We left soon after that and got back to the house somewhere around 10, put the kids to bed after a bit more blah-blah-blah and once again, I didn't get sex before drifting off to sleep.

The day really was a good day, though. All that other stuff aside, had a great morning with rish and the kids and the time we spent at Trish's parents' house really was a lot of fun. And now today is the 26th. Christmas has come and gone for yet another year.

Merry Christmas. New Year's Eve - coming up.

Almost there.

It's three days before Christmas.

I've got almost everything done I need to get done.

I think I'll copy one of my journal entries in this failed blog. How 'bout dat?

Working Overnight

Couple of points today:

1.) Trish called me late tonight to express some concerns regarding Nick and me and life in general. She's worried about Nick because she says he has no friends. I countered that with the statement that Nick does indeed have friends, he just doesn't have much interest in hanging out with them. The world is a very different place today than it was when we were kids - trish and I. There is no more, "Go ahead to your frind's house. Just be back before it gets dark." These days, it's a concentrated effort to get your kid somewhere, an effort that needs to be coordinated with whatever household he or she is going to. Nick has other interests, all told. He just doesn't seem to be overly concerned with spending time outside the house.

2.) My bank charged 70 bucks for having our account overdrafted for 2 hours, the mother-fuckers. I'm almost certain we have - or at least had - overdraft protection on our primary checking account so I need to straighten this out today, after I get some sleep. It was overdrafted 18 or 19 bucks and for that we got a 70 dollar charge? Eat my fuckin' ass.

3.) That same bank, our bank, is advertising a 30 yr., fixed rate mortgage loan at 5.2%. As far as I'm concerned - that's moving into the realm of acceptability for me to refinance. I'm probably gonna wait 'til Obama gets into office, though and see whether or not he'll actually make a difference for homeowners like me instead of dumping all the bail-out money into the corporations that lost it all to begin with. Reduce the interest rate. Let me keep paying my bills, including my mortgage, and let me do it at a better rate.

4.) I started putting together a photo album for Christmas. And i just put Bon Jovi's New Jersey album in for some audio fun.

Ok. That said, here's the question for the night.

What is something you do well?

I'd have to say my job. I'm not patting myself on the back, not really anyway - but when push comes to shove, I'm fairly decent at doing my job. Feedback to this end remains fairly consistant from all I work with - attendings, residents, fellow nurses, PCA's and E.D. nurses. Plus, I think the CNS's and even Maryfran agree to some extent.

Maryfran once said I was one of her best nurses. That was several years ago but I still remember it. It was one of those bittersweet snapshots in time where I was both very flattered and simultaneously self-effacing in terms of my inferior complex, believing her words to be false, serving some purpose I couldn't figure out to mock or belittle me. I can never figure out such a purpose when self-doubt like that flares up but that doesn't stop me from thinking it. Anyway, yeah.

I do my job well.

Empathy, maintenance of a safe unit, a secure unit, calling bullshit where bullshit needs to be called, teaching those who seek to learn and paying attention to lessons brought to me that have a legitimate point to them. I'm not intimidated - or rather, when I actually am intimidated, I'm able to temper it with an assertive mode of operation that is as non-confrontational as whatever personality is being directed toward me.

As I'm fond of saying - It's a free country and as such, anyone is free to take whatever potshots at me they feel are necessary and I'm free to respiond in kind. I've been punched, kicked, spit on, slapped, verbally abused, had knives and gun pulled on me and was able to resume control of the situation after each and every instance.

I've hit the floor many times but I have yet to lose.

So there you go.

I keep thinking I should take Nick to the Y today to practice his basketball. His coach gave him a paper with a practice move. And he needs to practice shooting baskets as well as feeling comfortable moving in to take the ball away from other kids instead of just letting it go. I really think it would be helpful for him.

Trying something new.

I went to a site to find writing prompts and I'm going to try and approach this horrinly failed endeavor from a different angle. I'll put up a prompt and bang out an entry, accordingly.

What is something you dislike about yourself?

Something I dislike about myself.

Settling on just one thing is probably the hardest piece of this little ditty. And as pretentious as that sounds, it's not untrue. There are quite a few pieces of myself I'm not happy with.

But the assignment is about some THING I don't dig. And this is supposed to be an honest blog, an honest countdown - so let's hit it the right way. One thing I really don't like about myself is the schedule i keep.

I work too much. I spend too much time outside the house. I miss too much of my children while they grow up and when i'm home, I feel like I have to make up all of the missed time and wind up getting frustrated and fighting with my kids and i don't want to do that. Not all the time - but even once feels like one too many.

Ok. Ice broken once again. Let's see how this goes.