Time of Change

My wife started a job on Monday. It's the first time she's working outside the house for about 3 and a half years. We've spoken about this before, trying to figure out who would be the best person to start a new job in order to brign some extra cash into the house. Trish told me, while I was putting together a game plan, that she would prefer I stay home at least one day a week and spend time with the kids. She said that she would go out and find a job, that she would bring home an extra paycheck. Immediately, that started fights inside the house.

Why? That's the question I fought with internally immediately following our initial arguments. It didn't make sense. My reaction didn't make sense. Trish is a registered nurse. Trish has worked outside the house before and I think I'm used to her being home. My world has been solid while i was out earning a paycheck, without concern for what's happening at home. Trish has been here to take care of it.

So, why did i react with anger when she told me she had a job and was ready to start.

I think, at the core of things, I'm just a person who reacts in a knee-jerk fashion to anything that causes a change in my level of comfort and stability. Is that a sensational statement? No. I'd say that's just about par for anyone who enjoys building a life and a lifestyle and is able to glean security from putting a life together as such.

Now, on the flip side, I'm a psychiatric nurse who is known, for the most part, as someone who is able to adapt to whatever situation is thrown my way. I'm understanding of differences and open to varied, often sensational and bizarre events as a matter of course. So, why, when I'm presented with something in my own home that is outside the status quo, did i react in such a closed-minded way?

I need to explore myself. I need to start putting ideas like this down so I can reflect back when needed to expand my mind, expand who I am as a man to be a better person.

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The other day, I was joking around with Nick and i said something to him along the line of - Isn't it awesome to have a dad who's so patient with you and who never gets upset?

I was joking, of course but Nick's answer really hit home.

His face contorted to a look that basically said - WTF are you talking about? "No.", he said. And he wasn't joking.

We did have a few jokes go back and forth after that but his reaction remained stuck in my head. I need to work on who i am. I'm not the man I want to be.