DMV

I called out from work today because my driver's license had expired and I needed to get it renewed so I could drive legally. I look a little retarded in the pic they took. Oh well. I went with Nick to the DMV and the whole time I was there, all I could think about was how the place truly resembled something akin to a human-processing-station. Humans entered, en masse, seeking validation for their existence behind the wheel, cartin along documents and checkbooks in order to reach an equilibrium with societhy and society's rules.

Apt on one hand, ridiculous on the other.

Free drug paraphrenalia.

I got to work this morning and sure enough, there were free pens and free staplers. The pens boast the drug name Provigil, a wonderful "awake" pill that works despite the fact it's not an amphetamine. The shit is good.

The stapler comes filled with staples - those drug companies think of everything - and it sports the name, Rozerem. I have no idea what drug that is or what it does but learning about it is now on my To-Do list for the day. It's funny, in a quixotic way, for the government and society in general, to demand a drug-free society in one breath while simultaneously advertising company-made drugs along every venue possible. But whatever, that's not what I want to focus on here.

Full day of work today and apparently, the Celtics won the title last night. I'm hearing now that there's supposed to be a parade tomorrow, Thursday to congratulate them. Eh, sports. I really have no interest in them.

So, what am I doing with this post? Contemplating fatherhood? Marriage? Work? Booze? Upcoming summer parties? Twizzlers? Sleep? The gym?

I'm reading a book by John Grisham called The Partner and it's ok. Definitely not his best work but at least it's been able to hold most of my attention. It's not one of those books where I find myself postponing things in order to pick it up and read just a few more pages but it helps pass the time on the train. When Grisham's on, he's a damn, good writer. When he's not, stuff like The Partner get published - and it gets published, I'm sure, because of his name, not because of any real merit concerning the story.

I just finished the bottle of Diet Coke I'd started a couple of nights ago while I was doing the overnight shift. Time to open another.

Working again.

Well, tonight was supposed to be a night off for me but I had a feeling I'd get a call asking me to come in since there was no Psych. RN scheduled. Sure enough, it came in mid-afternoon. I agreed after a small nap and a short trip to the gym. I worked my back, to finish off the workout I cut short on Saturday.



There's only one patient here so far, a drunken ex-con who came in saying he was suicidal. Apparently, at some point during the day, when his suicidal statements weren't getting him very far, he switched his complaint to being homicidal.

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Wow. I thought this was lost when the computer I was using crashed. Pretty cool about this auto-save function.

Anyway, I've been delinquent from this endeavor for the last day or two. I'm spending way too much time on that website forum - bb.com/misc. It's addictive because it's so irreverent, nasty and devoid of any respect. Yet somehow, I've been able to crack my way in there and build a fairly decent foundation of folks who respond well to me. The conversations are ridiculous, for the most part and the mean age is far below my own but that doesn't matter.

Anyway, why don't I end this old post and start something new, eh?

Copy / Paste

I work between 50 - 60 hours a week. I've been working like that for the past 11 years, give or take.

I'm married. I have 3 kids. My wife stays at home to raise them.

I have days where I feel as though I want to curl both hands in to fists and smash every living being within fifty feet of where I stand, especially when they're drunk or high, don't work and are collecting money from welfare. That comes with the territory. It's my chosen profession.

But I grit my teeth when the going gets tough and swallow my anger because I made a commitment to my family - to pay the bills so my wife can raise our children. That's my lot in life. I'm a grunt and unless I win the lottery or sell a book that is well received and opted for movie rights, it will continue to be my lot in life. I accepted that long ago.

We live well. We rarely want for material things. And I spend my time off with my wife and children.

When I have the opportunity to look at the time I spend at work from that perspective, i realize it's ok. And even if it's not always ok for me, it's always ok for my kids - because they're happy and comfortable and have never faced a harsh reality of life without food or light or clothing or heat. I can live with that. No matter how bad it sometimes gets - I can deal with my lot in life to help keep them comfortable, living in an area that's relatively safe, with an amazing mother who works hard to teach them what's right and wrong and is always there to reinforce those lessons taught.

edit: Almost forgot - I'm old and most of you in [insert web forum I post in here] aren't...

Take some time while you're young and single to travel, even if it's just a few towns away. Camp out, even if it's in a hotel or the back seat of your car. Spend some time searching inside yourself to figure out what's important to you and what's not. Write your ideas down so you'll be able to reflect at will. A few words or a few pages - record your thoughts. You'll all, eventually, come to some conclusion about how you want to spend your time. Work then, to make that your reality.

Not everyone will be rich in terms of money - but you can be rich in terms of fulfilling whatever ideas you have regarding the life you live.

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This was a post I made earlier this morning on a web forum where I'm a member. It was heartfelt and well received.

I still need to post up an introduction. Grrr.

My brother is on a plane right now, headed back from Bahrain after a year deployment in the Middle East and Africa. Can't wait to see that little bastard. He's got a few demons to wrestle when he gets home, though and I feel sorrow for him on that point. Of course, I'll be here for him when and if he needs me.

Welcome home, brother.

Good Day.

Today was dedicated completely to my kids and truth be told, days like that don't happen very often. My daughter had a softball game this morning at 8 am. Woke up to see her play, including her first sttempt at pitching. She did fairly well, all told - needs some practice to loosen up. She was really trying hard. I was proud of her for sticking in there, no matter what. Stuff like that is what helps build the confidance she needs.

Also had a full Father-son day, thanx to a get together planned by my son's school. We spent almost 6 hours together hiking various trails at Moose Hill State Park, had lunch, played catch and cooked S'Mores over an open fire. We were supposed to do some guided stargazing as well but it started to drizzle and the cloud cover forced the planners to cancel that part. I grabbed a schedule from the place before we left and it turns out they do a few family nights of stargazing, so we should be able to attend one during the Summer, at some point. That'll make Nick happy, being that he's so interested in the idea, concept and information concerning space, stars and the planets. He was kinda bummed that the stargazing was cancelled but overall, he had a good day with me. Hanging out with him only helps reinforce the fact I have a really decent kid.

So, I think one of the things I need to do eventually, is introduce myself properly - who I am and who my family is so that it all starts to come together as a piece of writing, rather than just a bunch of scattered thoughts and observations. I'm at work right now so I'll work on that a little later, if I have the time. At the moment, I have the ability to get a post in before midnight so I'm taking it. I'd really like to get at least one post done each day up until my 40th birthday.

Right now, I have a rapist in one of the bays with State Police guarding him. They unleashed the K-9 units on him when he tried to flee and the dogs tore his leg open. He'll be sutured and then discharged to go to jail. He ain't passing GO and he ain't collecting 200... although on second thought, this is Massachusetts. He actually might make money off this, given the political climate within this state.

Also, I have a psychotic man in my waiting room who believes the government is after him for something. I didn't get much of the story but all-in-all, it's a rather universal glimpse into the life of a paranoid and delusional man. On deck is a drug addict who is in the process of being medically cleared. I just caught the basics a moment ago - sounds like crack and alcohol on top of his diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. Supposedly, he is suicidal as well but we'll wait and see exactly what that means. He'll be here soon, under my care.

And that's it for the moment. If things remain somewhat open for me to jot down another entry later, I believe I'll try and put together an intro. If I can, I guess I'll try and do an update on the pups I have here as well.

Oh yeah - today was Vic's birthday. Happy birthday, my friend. I have to call you tomorrow.

My Birthday.

I started writing this last night at a bar in Foxboro. It's a Chinese Restaurant on Route 1, the name of which escapes me.



I'm not really sure what my goal is with this blog, other than to chronicle the last year of my 30's. Maybe something will evolve over time, maybe not. Either way, I imagine it'll be fun to look back at some point in the future and see where I was, where I believed I was headed and how well I did by way of my family, my job and ultimately - myself.



It seems I started writing 15 mins. after the clock struck 12 midnight, so without further ado - here is entry number 1...



So, this is it - 39. I turned 39 about 15 minutes ago. This is my final year in my 30's and I suppose, if I'm able to take the time with this, it'll be fair for me to transcribe my time up to the age of 40. What would be the reason to jot these little life blurbs down, overall, aside from my desire to pick up one again with my writing and keep it going, no matter what?



Things that come readily to mind:



1.) Information for my kids about what I do everyday after I leave the house. I imagine they'll have to be a bit older before they actually read this, although I have the option to edit pieces of it if there's something I want to share, eh?

2.) A way for Trish to get the same info.

3.) Introspection. A necessary piece of growth that could potentially provide an interactive within which others would be able to comment - and of course, if anyone reads pieces of this and decides to chime in, that could help even more.

4.) My profession is fucked up. It's not normal and it'll help to open up about it.

5.) The way my profession has progressed is important, actually. People in general really are affected by it, when push comes to shove.

6.) I'm a fuckin' schlub.

7.) I meet and work with some fascinating people - homeless, famous, politicians, rich, poor, public servants, inmates, deviants, etc. That'll all come out over the next year.



... and that's where I left off last night. Not much but it's a start - and a start is exactly what I need.



Anyway, my birthday was decent, all told. Slept late, spent time with my family, spoke to folks on the phone. I got a little sun, hit the gym for a damn good workout and went out to dinner with Trish and the kids. Very decent. And no sooner did I start this blog thing than Trish turns to me and says, "Just don't include anything in there about our sex life, ok?"



That's something I will explore throughout the year, as well. This overwhelming urge on the part of my wife to try and yank me under control, no matter what, to some degree - even though it does not work.



- sigh -



Anyway, tomorrow's a day filled with activities related to the kids. Jackie, my middle daughter has a softball game in the early morning. I have to hit the gym after that and then I have a Father-son day of Nature Exploration to attend with Nick, my oldest. Time like this I don't get enough of.



Then, I'm headed to work for an overnight shift. Fun, fun, fun...